Oh, sure. The sights all look the same. The family members and friends are still there. The memories… they’re strong as ever.
The house you rebuilt from the ground up, where he proposed, and where you brought the children home from the hospital. The home where both love and war took place – more than once. The street where you pulled your children along in a wagon, and where they learned how to ride a bike.
The school where you sent your children and they walked to and from home nearly every day. And, where a playground mishap led to an ER visit with an obvious sign that your child was protected from the powers above.
Your favorite restaurants, members-only club and favorite shopping malls. They are all still there.
But, there is something DIFFERENT… something VERY different. This place. This strongly familiar place where many of your memories rest… it’s no longer “HOME”.
Its fiber is entwined in your soul, yet YOU are no longer a part of its heartbeat. It. Has. Moved. On. WITHOUT YOU.
Your friends are busy… some are too busy to come see you. The air feels more tense… traffic seems worse than when you lived there. You feel almost invisible… like you’re an absolute outsider. Because, YOU ARE.
And it hurts.
You resist it, though. Feelings inside of you make you feel so unsettled, sad, uncomfortable and confused. In fact, at first, you have no idea what you’re feeling or why when you should be happy to be “home”. It’s your safe place, your nest, the place where all of your comforts exist.
But you quickly realize… you truly CAN’T GO HOME AGAIN.
You’re different now. VERY DIFFERENT.
You’ve grown, expanded… you found your own wings and flew. And for that… you feel CONFLICTED.
A part of you wants to pull back in, retreat to the person you used to be… the one who FIT IN. The one who FELT COMFORTABLE and SAFE in the surroundings, routines and patterns.
But, GUESS WHAT?!?! You really, truly CAN’T. GO. HOME. AGAIN.
Why?!?!?
Because once a bird has cracked its shell, it can’t go back in. All it can do is learn to use its beautiful wings to fly. That’s what it was born to do. It was born to fly high, soar above the Earth and breathe in its beauty and magic.
SO WERE YOU! You weren’t meant to stay small,
grounded, practical, blah, blah, blah. You were born to SOAR, BABY!
But, are you really? I. Think. Not. And, why? What’s holding you back?
Where in your life RIGHT NOW are you trying to “go back home again” to where it’s safe, secure, comfortable? In which part of your life are you denying your own growth… shunting it… beating it down? I bet you don’t really even have to think about it. YOU ALREADY KNOW, don’t you?
Is it your job, relationship, health, taking a chance on your dream, or maybe even your old hometown?
Don’t you think that – like the beautiful soaring bird – it’s YOUR TIME to fly and own your true power, passion, and what YOU WERE BORN TO DO on this Earth?!?!
No, that’s not really a question. 😉
Stop trying to shrink, play small, and deny WHO YOU TRULY ARE. Because only when you realize that you absolutely can’t go home again will you see that you were born for something better, GREATER, than what you’ve allowed yourself to accept up to this point in your life.
And, we both KNOW that’s EXACTLY WHY YOU’RE HERE. It’s now time to take the leap of faith in yourself and FLY…
Deb says
I feel like this when I go visit my hometown. Everyone is there, memories of less stressful times, more fun times. I think how easy it would be to move back, have the comfort and safety of family around. But then I realize that I am not part of that anymore. I moved on long ago. Where I’m from feels like home when I am there but isn’t the home I have now where I feel comfortable. Not so much there. I have a purpose here, a calling here, people who count on me here. That’s how it is now..
Debbie says
Deb, thanks for taking the time to comment. I think the tough part for me was definitely realizing that I wasn’t a “critical” part of the home crowd anymore. It doesn’t change how we feel about the people at all.. just the place. Growth is essential. Keep on plugging, sister!
Lisa Hutchison says
My childhood home was demolished, I really can not go home again. I have learned to find home within myself and my journey. I wrote a story about this that was published in Unleash Your Inner Magnificence book, called My True Home. I could relate to the emotions you wrote about in this piece. Thanks!
Debbie says
Lisa,
Your story is very touching, thank you for sharing it. I look forward to reading your story further.
Deb
Donna says
My husband and I are moving from Queens New York to Atlanta Georgia in eight days….
We have been New Yorkers for 57 years. We have a grown son here along with my husbands family and will definitely be back to visit but I believe you are so right. We can’t go home again…..We both grew up in this very neighborhood we are in….I want to see more of life….so yes, we can definitely come back and visit often….but we are making a new home….I am so happy I read this post today…..thank you!!
Debbie says
Donna,
Your journey sounds so exciting! Glad the message helped, and I’d love to see how your journey progresses. I’ll be following your blog, for sure!
Deb
Amanda says
Wonderfully written, I’ve never lived anywhere longer that 4 years, always on the move and moving, wondering where I’ll end up next and what adventures lie ahead. Though part of me has always wondered what it would be like to stay put in the same place, to have lived my life out knowing everyone around me and being a part of something more. But it’s not for me some of us are meant to fly and sometimes we need to be reminded. Thank you
Sheena says
I totally get this and you have just put into words what its like to leave home and then go back. Absolutely love this.
Debbie says
Sheena,
Thank you so much for your kinds words. It’s such an emotional journey to travel back and let go of a little more of yourself. Looking forward to more of the journey ahead!
Deb
Darla says
My sister has an emotional rollercoaster that happens when she comes home. She loves to visit, but it definitely takes a toll on her. It’s a much different experience when we visit her. She has created a new normal, you have too and that is ok. You have grown and it hits you like a ton of bricks to come back and realize it all at once. We support you Deb!
Debbie says
Darla,
Thank you so much for the kind words. They say people never change, only places, and I have to agree. Friends are with us for a lifetime. <3