I could never have predicted what a dramatic turn my life would take.
It was 2016.
I was still working full time in journalism. Even though I became a certified life coach in 2011, I never saw myself as a coach. I always stuck with Plan B… being a journalist and broadcaster.
It seems crazy to me now as I revisit the story, but back in 2011, there was a triggering event. During the last event of my life coaching certification course, one moment created a massive ripple effect in my life.
The coaching class was doing an exercise in coaching where I was supposed to nail the subject’s pain points and move them through. But, I didn’t get the pain points correct. Every time I put something out there, my person would deny and dismiss that any of that was his issue. (Keep in mind, I don’t know if that was really true or not.)
I felt so defeated, and like a total failure and fraud in earning my certification. So, it sat on a shelf, then in a box collecting dust for several years. I knew “real” coaches, and they made it look so easy! I was clearly not one of them. So, I boxed it up and put it away.
Back to 2016
I had been feeling a really deep pull for massive contribution. It sounded a little self-righteous to me at the time, but I kept telling my husband that I could feel souls screaming out to me in the night for help.
As I write this, it also feels terribly dramatic to me, but I’m not kidding when I say that was truly happening. I was in a battle with myself.
My soul was in complete unrest. Uneasiness. Turmoil.
So, I had to do something. Naturally, I found a coach online who had amazing results, and I just knew I could become a millionaire in 30 days.
Duh! Of course, I was going to start with nothing and rise to elite status instantly. Aren’t we all?!
I had a download in one of the classes, and in 18 hours, I wrote a book on inner freedom. It’s really like a life-coaching journal to move people out of their own way. I sold some copies and ran some free challenges that led to life-changing programs for a bunch of participants.
But, I didn’t see myself as successful. Only a few really participated. And, even though the ones that participated had amazing breakthroughs and results, I definitely didn’t feel like I had what it took to be successful.
Back to Plan B… Again.
So, I kept working my journalism job. I pulled back to my roots and began teaching visibility, podcasting, livestreaming guides, even a comfortable on camera course where I actually had a few people sign up. I helped others start (and massively grow) their podcasts by removing the technical overwhelm and focusing on their fears around showing up. (Aka-coaching)
Guess what?! I still considered myself unsuccessful. It didn’t sell out. People weren’t screaming for more of my help. To me, that equaled a failure.
Are you starting to see the pattern?
I had results all along the way, but I didn’t see them as successes. I didn’t even allow myself to celebrate a single signup. Even when I sold my first $2,500 one-month podcasting package, I thought it was a fluke.
It took me a few years and lots (and I mean LOTS!) of coaches and $$$$ to figure out what was wrong.
To keep this blog from becoming a book, I’ll hit the cliff notes.
I was putting together all of these programs in areas I was good at… trained in… an expert at… and they were all safe and easy.
They weren’t filling my soul. They were easy to put together, but hard to execute. I had so much resistance, because it wasn’t what my soul was really calling me to do.
You see, every time I got a nudge from the universe to do something fun, healing, creative, really out of the corporate box, my mind would shut it down.
“It won’t work.”
“Nobody will pay you for your healing work.”
“Other people are already doing it… even better!”
It took me YEARS to dig in and unravel those BS stories (I probably should have gone back and worked layer by layer through the Journal to Freedom – yes, MY book – again… duh!).
How it all changed
One thing I can tell you is that doing shadow work was definitely a key part of the opening for me. The other critical piece was removing blockages through my own sound healing music.
It allowed me to step out of my head where I was trying to think up the solutions, and it enabled me to just be present with my heart. With my soul and my highest self.
To feel my body.
Feel where in the body I was holding tension.
To get present to the tension and discover where it came from and what it was telling me.
And, to be willing to revisit some deep places to rewrite the old painful story into a more empowering one that served me and my community for the better.
I stopped denying the parts of me that loved crystals and music and healing and sound and energy and – oh, by the way, I’m a powerful channel for truth and healing. That’s a whole other story for another day.
I literally stopped backing into my life and work and just decided to turn myself around and go at it head on… to do it scared – terrified, if I’m honest.
Burning the Boats
I decided to burn the boats and go all in on me. To believe what my soul was crying out for me to do.
As I began following my passion, I no longer had to push my way into things… they just opened up. Yes, I still felt fear and breathed through it to the next step. I still do.
And, what happened was, as I breathed through the fear, I gave myself extra space to choose differently in each moment. And, moment by moment, the trajectory shifted.
Pathways that never existed in my vision opened up and became crystal clear.
Momentum was on my side, and I no longer had to think my way into another course or offering. Instead, the pathway was pulling me. It was showing me everything that was waiting for me to create it, and even pieces of the how. They were just rolling out.
And finally… it got to be easy.
So, when we talk and I share these stories, I’d like you to understand that it really does get to be easy.
It’s not that the growth, or the discovering, or the unbecoming of the old self is easy. But, the true becoming and continuing to walk the next step on the right path does get to be easy. It should feel easy (even if it’s scary).
Easy doesn’t mean lack of fear. It means feeling the fear and doing it anyway because your soul knows this is the pathway to fulfilling your heart, soul and destiny.
What will you choose today?
Sending you so much love, and remember…
Freedom Is Within.